When I Grow Up

When I was little, I knew exactly what I wanted to be. An Actress. Yes, there it is. I wanted to act. But it’s interesting how you change over the years. And how something you are so sure of at 12, can feel so unclear and ominous at 22.

When I first arrived at USC, I remember sitting in an assembly of fellow Film Production majors and being asked by a moderator, “how many of you want to be directors?” About 75% of the kids raised their hands. When you’re young and love film, being a director seems like the natural course of action. But as the years went on and we all learned more about the different types of jobs available in film, slowly we started to morph. We realized, maybe we didn’t actually enjoy working with actors that much, but had a real knack for sound mixing or editing or cinematography or producing. Film school opened our eyes to all these different specialties, that would still allow us to be involved in film, but maybe in a slightly different way than we had planned. I’ve come to realize that life has a funny way of panning out that way, though!

Before graduation, I feel like most of my friends could tell you more or less what they wanted to do with their life. But now, I feel like the resounding answer to “what do you want to be when you grow up” is “I’m not sure yet.” I’m no longer getting taller (and haven’t for almost 10 years now) but I’m definitely still growing and figuring out what I’m good at and what I like and what’s important to me. I’m hoping that as I gain more experience in the working world and observe others older and wiser than myself, the answer will become clear. But until then, I’m just trying to learn as much as I can, meet as many great people as I can, and most of all, just be happy with who I am and where I’m at now.